To my adoring public my name is POPPY and I will soon be requiring new members of staff to love and obey me.
I invite you to submit your expressions of interest at your earliest convenience.
To be considered for this position, you must:-
• Recognise that I alone must be centre of attention.
• Adore me, shower me with love and affection everyday all day (except when I am resting). Working from home or being home a lot would be excellent for my need for adoration.
• Not have any other pets – I must be the only pet in the house, please I am a princess – do princesses share their staff?!
• Feed me my special diet of Sainsbury’s 7+ mixed meat / fish in Jelly – I have very delicate taste buds.
• Keep me indoors, I love being close to my staff.
In return I will:-
• Adore you. I will shower you with love and attention ALL the time.
• Be your soul mate.
Other essential information:
• A princess never discloses her age. My staff and team of top-class veterinary surgeons cannot tell how old I am – aren’t I clever teehee. I may be age 2-8.